Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
