I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
