My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
