I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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