Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
