The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
