I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
