Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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