Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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