How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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