Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
