garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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