id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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