Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
