I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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