i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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