Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
