They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
