you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
