What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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