it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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