Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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