Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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