There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
