Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
