you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
