So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Please don't give away my fajitas
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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