I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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