yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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