I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
