Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
