In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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