I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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