Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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