your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
