after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
