Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
