Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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