i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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