Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
