White coat. Heels.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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