just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
