just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
