yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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