You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
