Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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