pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
