There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I could fuck to npr.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
