I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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