How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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